Non-Specific Insanity If I were Steve Jobs
- I'd buy a textile factory in Asia to make black turtle-neck sweaters to my exact specifications.
- I'd have my office painted white along with a single chair, also white.
- The boardroom would be painted as a blue-screen to allow Pixar to change scenery upon a "streaming media event."
- I would never wear the same sweater twice.
- I would be careful not to spend money on the vending machine as the cost is equal to my yearly salary from Apple; $1.00.
- I would implant the prototype version of the iPod shuffle, smaller than a grain of sand under my skin. Music to go, anywhere.
- My 30,000 square foot home would only have one room. Less is more.
- My chef would also be Jonathon Ives. Each item of my dish would follow the principles of "form and function" and sound industrial design.
- Each time I had sex I would introduce the "Next Big Thing."
- I'd start off every sentence with, "Just one more thing."
- Make sure all my ice cubes followed the form factor of the G4 cube along with the Apple logo.
- Each sentence would end with "That's the stupidest thing I've heard."
- Have a team of people who continuously work on updating the Apple logo.
- Ensure everyone on the Apple campus doesn't listen to Beatles music from Apple Corp.
- Make an application called "iPresentation." It uses presentation loops, like Garageband uses music loops, for building spoken presentations the Apple way.
- Make a personal computer shaped like a toaster to fulfill my vision of having an Apple computer in every house like a toaster.
- Every child of mine would be named "Lisa" regardless of gender.
- Being on the board of directors at Disney/Pixar I would change Mickey's colors to a polished blue bevel effect.
- Goofy would be referred to as the "intellectually challenged dog."
- My Gulfstream Jet would be painted with high contrast colors, like an iPod commercial.
- I would ensure ambient lighting was used in every room of the Apple Campus to ensure no object or person would cast a shadow.
- I would ensure Mac OS X had so many cool features it would be useless. It would simply be an experience akin to taking acid.
- I would market a line of clothing to the general public which looks exactly like mine, yet only came in my size to keep costs down.
- I would write my autobiograhy, which would only be a forward following by 300 blank pages.
- My entire iMovie library only consists of other peoples family I do not know.
- I would have a staff dedicated to creating my music with GarageBand. Each loop would be recorded by U2.
- Make a quarter scale reproduction of the Apple Campus at Disneyworld.
- Ensure Michael Eisner is my gardener.
- Make a car than plugs into an iPod as an accessory rather than the iPod being the accessory.
- Make a line of lollipops that looked like Apple icons. They'd truly be "lickable."
- Trademark "Digital Lifestyle" and patent the idea of using electronic devices for any purpose. I would then own the world (except Amish communities).
- Feverishly work to try to make an iPod simple enough for Dubya to use.
- A section of the iTunes music store would carry a collection of "Bushisms."
Submitted by oracle on 16 October, 2006 - 15:01.
